


JESUS TAKES THE WHEEL (Or, the Bredros Fic)

by dismaltemperament



Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Forgive Me, M/M, T for swearing and innuendos, The Author Regrets Nothing, basically book 1 if tedros had gone after brone instead of sophie, don't cancel me for this guys, i swear i've written good fic before, lots of characters are mentioned but it's honestly pointless to tag them, nothing too bad, there is everything wrong with this, there's some violence?????? ravan brings a gun to the snow ball but it's all in good fun xx, vvvvv brief tophie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24145774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dismaltemperament/pseuds/dismaltemperament
Summary: “Brone,” Tedros’s voice booms throughout the room with a newfound confidence, “will you be my date for the Snow Ball?”But first, the story of how Tedros (begrudgingly) met Brone, and how he (against Brone's better wishes) fell in love with him.Just as Beatrix (didn't) say: rebellion can make a simple man all the more seductive.
Relationships: Anadil/Hester (The School for Good and Evil), Tedros/Brone (The School for Good and Evil)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 17





	JESUS TAKES THE WHEEL (Or, the Bredros Fic)

**Author's Note:**

> written for the crack ship contest on insta. read at your own risk!

Tedros stamps up to the huge line trailing the tree stump that Sophie's sitting cross-legged on. The painted wooden sign over her reads: 

**LUNCHTIME WITH SOPHIE**

**“WHERE BEAUTY MEETS CHARITY”**

**Today's topic:**

**_Eating Healthy & Fitness for the Unfit_ **

He told his Everboy mates he just wanted to see what she was wearing today—he has to admit, her style is _très chic_ —and he told Beatrix he was going to plant a stink bug in her hair. He’d hoped a proclamation of something so nasty and boyish would have scared the princess off, but if anything, she admired the act of small rebellion. Gag. 

In reality, he's genuinely curious as to what Sophie's playing at here. Is this some passive-aggressive ploy to get his attention, or could it go deeper than that? Despite what Beatrix may say, teaching proper skin care to Nevers doesn't actually appear all that Evil; a bit bold at worst. 

He cranes his neck in order to peer over the shoulders of Nevergirls and Neverboys alike, ignoring the many stink eyes he's receiving. Sophie stated earlier this week that all students, no matter rank or assigned school or gender, are allowed to sit in at her presentations, not that any other Evers have joined him, nor have the Nevers warmed up to the idea of him. 

No matter. He's above them. All of them. He's the son of Arthur, destined to pull the sword from the stone. He's a legend, a God amongst boys, and so _what_ if they—

“Hey, can you move. You're, uh. Blocking the view.”

Tedros spins around and nearly ralphs at what he sees. 

A large, bald, doughy Neverboy is watching him with a bored expression, munching away at the mush his school serves in exchange for a decent lunch. Tedros is immediately revolted at the sight of him, but there's also something… intriguing about him. Something he can't place. Could it be those glimmering emerald eyes? That mannerless, uninterested slouch?

“Huh,” Tedros says smarty.

“‘Tryin’ to watch Sophie's talk, dawg,” the Neverboy says. His gaze has moved past Tedros, over his shoulder, although the prince is unable to take his eyes off him. 

“Right, o’course…” He moves out of the way. Then he waits, watching the Neverboy with a keen eye. When the other boy promptly ignores him, slurping up the residue of the mush off his fingers, Tedros snaps out of it. 

What is he doing here, waiting for some form of thanks? This boy is a _Never_ —“thank you” isn't in his vocabulary. Tedros feels a blush rise to his face. To the boy, he snaps, “You’re welcome, _bitch,_ ” then saunters off back to the Evers’ side of the clearing. 

This is what he gets for meddling with Nevers.

* * *

Except he goes back to Sophie's Ted Talks everyday, and everyday, he feels the tantalizing stare of the plump Neverboy on his back. 

_What does this freak want from me?_ Tedros thinks to himself, making an act of not looking at the other boy. _He needs to lay the fuck off._

This process repeats itself for nearly two weeks. Tedros feels himself growing closer to Sophie—or he _would_ be, if it weren't for this insufferably distracting Neverboy! 

One day, he corners the witch Hester and forces her to tell him about the boy in question. 

“What the—” she growls, shoving Tedros away from her. “The fuck do _you_ want, Prince Bitch? We were having a moment here.”

He glances down at the albino witch still sitting by Hester's leg. The two had been embraced before Tedros tramped over, but he hadn't thought anything of it, too caught up in his own worries. Had he interrupted something romantic? Oh no, that's not very princely of him—

Wait a minute. He glances back and forth between the two Nevergirls. _Never_ girls. Nevers can't love! What is he thinking? This is exactly why he needs to know about the boy who keeps invading his thoughts (and occasionally dreams). The stress is messing with his head. 

“Listen, I need your help—”

“Why the hell would I help _you_ —”

“Stop being a bitch and tell me who the _fuck_ that is.” He points at the doughy Neverboy, who’s slumped against a tree near Sophie's lunchtime section, paying no mind to the Tedros/Hester debacle.

Hester snorts. “What, you mean _Brone_? Why don't you ask him yourself?” 

“You gotta crush on him or somethin’?” smirks the albino witch. Tedros glares at them both. 

So his name is Brone? Tedros repeats the name over and over throughout the rest of the day to ensure he doesn't forget it. It tastes coppery yet sweet, like blood or… something else. It's not a half-bad name, in all honesty.

But seriously. Fuck that guy.

By the time Yuba’s next challenge comes up, Tedros has absolutely had it with that little shit. He's stopped going to Lunchtime with Sophie—not because of her, but because of _him._ Everytime he sees Brone, sees his creamy curves and delicious bald spots, his heart gets trapped in his throat and he feels warm all over. There's no denying it—he’s fallen into a deep, deep hate with this other boy, which is so utterly unbecoming of an Ever. The solution? Avoid Brone at all costs. 

He's not thinking about that stupid Neverboy right now, though. Right now he's in his dorm room, preparing to mogrify into a fox. He’d been very clear in his message to Sophie today— _Wolves don't like foxes. Blue Brook at midnight._ Sophie wanted her question? Well, Tedros isn't all that opposed. She may be a Never, yes, but she's beautiful, kind, smart—to be fair, he prefers bigger girls with less hair, but she's still undeniably perfect for him.

Tonight he’ll kiss Sophie. Tonight he’ll ask her to the Snow Ball. It's risky, it's never been done, but it's just like Beatrix said—rebellion can make a simple man all the more seductive.

(She didn't actually say that, but he thinks it sounds nice.) 

He transforms into a navy blue fox, swan crest twinkling on his chest, and makes his way to the Blue Brook. The fairies and wolves pay him no mind, and before he knows it, he's entered the darkly-hued forest undetected. He makes his way to the silver bridge at the center of the forest, brimming with excitement to see Sophie—

And sure enough, at the top of the bridge, there sits Brone, crunching away at some unidentifiable brown substance. 

“What’re you—” Tedros sputters. “Are you eating a _roach_?”

Brone notices him. “Oh, wassup? I got your letter today.”

“My letter— that was for _Sophie_! How did you—?”

“Then why'd you leave it in my lunch pail?”

Tedros can feel his furry cheeks reddening. Stupid! He must have put the note in the wrong pail! But it's no matter. This is getting him nowhere. 

“Ugh!” Terdros exclaims. “You ruin everything!” 

“Uhmm… okay, lmao,” Brone says. He finishes eating the roach, then looks around glumly. “There was a fox here earlier. Pink, I think? Should've grabbed it when I had the chance—”

“Don't you get it?” Tedros cries, “All I’ve ever wanted is a girl to see me for who I _really_ am! And where has that gotten me, putting faith in a girl who I thought did just that? It got me _here_. With _you_. I’m cursed, aren't I? I’m doomed to the same fate as my father—”

“Listen, dude,” Brone cuts him off. “I have, like, zero clue what you're talking about, but from what I can tell, you're, like, _not_ that horrible. So fuck that girl who's making you think you are.”

Tedros looks up. He meets eyes with Brone. They stare longingly at each other—Tedros, because he's never been told something so honest by someone; Brone, because he's really fucking hungry and wondering how good a roasted prince might taste. 

Then Tedros starts to feel his body shift. 

_Oh, fuck!_ he thinks. He forgot he was a fox. He should've known better than to try mogrification—he still hasn't totally mastered staying in one single form, and, oh shit, he definitely doesn't know how to magic up some clothes for himself—

All of a sudden, with a very audible _pop!_ , Tedros turns back into a human. A naked human. 

Brone blinks at him, then gazes downwards. “Nice cock, bro.”

Tedros flushes red, attempting in vain to cover himself. “S-shut up—!”

“Here.” Brone stands up, and after a few moments of struggling, manages to tear off his baggy uniform-issue shirt. He leaves on his pants.

Tedros only grows more red at the sight of Brone’s bare chest. Are they going to— is this—?

Brone tosses the shirt at him. “Stop staring, you pervert, and put the damn shirt on.” 

Tedros doesn't hesitate to pull the shirt over his head. It's five sizes too big, the hem reaching the bottoms of his thighs, and even though he's practically drowning in sweaty fabric and looks like he's wearing a dress, he can't help but breathe a sigh of relief. His dignity is saved. For now.

“Thanks, man,” he starts to say—

But when he looks up, Brone is gone.

* * *

He can't stop thinking about the encounter all week, somehow feeling more and more embarrassed each time he gets to the part where he turns back into a person. He hasn't told anyone about it, and other than getting snapped at for daydreaming during class a few times, he's gone about his schedule as normal. 

He's avoided Sophie's lunchtime lectures and cringes whenever someone mentions her name. More and more Evers have started attending them, but he can't be bothered. Every time he thinks about sending Sophie another note, he freezes up and remembers Brone’s milky face in the moonlight.

It was a stupid idea made in a haste of hormones and desperation. He and Sophie weren't made for each other. He's an Ever, and she's a Never; they couldn't possibly work together. Besides, Nevers can't love…

Or can they? He finds himself watching Hester and the albino witch—her name is Anadil, he's found out—as they whisper between themselves underneath a dead tree in the clearing. They make crude gestures at other students and cackle hysterically when something goes wrong, but when they look at each other, there's something honest there. Like they _care_ for each other. But more than that—whatever they have runs deeper than just a friendship.

But it means nothing to Tedros. What Nevers do behind closed doors is their own damn business. 

He slings an arm around Beatrix, who blushes, and Chaddick, who smirks. _These_ are his people. _This_ is where he belongs. And yet… 

He thinks of what Brone said to him that night, and his vision flickers to the Nevers’ side. 

Brone stands in the ever-growing crowd surrounding Sophie, his back turned to Tedros. Then, as if sensing Tedros’s gaze, he turns his head and meets Tedros’s eyes briskly. 

Brone smirks and wiggles his ass.

Tedros frowns and goes red as a cherry.

* * *

Weeks and months pass. Tedros and Brone don't talk to one another. They're from two different worlds—why would they? 

The Trial by Tale is hastily approaching. Tedros has top marks, of course—and to his surprise, so does Agatha, the witch that follows Sophie around like a dutiful puppy. Must be hexing her way to the top or something.

Speaking of, Sophie apparently has high marks as well, or so he's heard. Not like he's been checking up on her. No, ma’am. It makes sense she’d be doing so good—only a villain could make high grades at that accursed school. Further proof that he shouldn't have even entertained the idea that they could be a couple.

(But then what does that say about Brone, who's barely scraping by with bottom ranks…?)

Not that he’s thinking about Brone. Of course not. He’s too busy preparing for the Trial. He lifts weights, spars with his friends, beats up rag dolls, and ogles his reflection—all part of a well balanced pre-Trial routine. 

The night before, as he’s pacing around his empty dorm room, he gets a knock on the door. Assuming it’s Chaddick or Nicholas who went out for some last minute training, he flings the door open.

But there’s no one there.

He looks up and down the hall. Completely deserted. His mind must be playing tricks on him, no doubt a side effect of sleep deprivation. After all, a growing boy like himself requires at least 12 hours of beauty sleep a day. This is a sign he best head off the bed now.

Little does Tedros know, though, as he tucks himself into the massive king-sized bed, is that he let someone in by opening that door. Someone tiny, taking the shape of a miniature isopod.

Someone named Brone.

* * *

A flaming arrow sizzles past his shoulder just as a Nevergirl comes barreling around a corner, pelting him with daggers made of bone. He knees the girl in the ribs and sends her sprawling, then gracefully ducks as another arrow scrapes the top of his head. He rips out the white flag dangling from her boot and throws it to the ground. In a flash of sparks, she's gone. 

Tedros smirks. One more down, however many left to go. He's already taken out about three Nevers with the help of Chaddick and Nicholas, whom he was separated from near the Tulip Gardens. That would make this his, uhm, fourth knockout? Maybe. Math isn't exactly Tedros's strong suit. Neither are Language Arts, History of the Woods, Science, or… well, he’s good at fighting Nevers, obviously, and that's what matters when you're the heir to Camelot’s throne. Obviously. 

So far, the Trial by Tale has gone on without a hitch. Tedros's plan was to team up with his fellow Everboys until they three were the only remaining students in the Blue Forest, at which point they would each battle until the other two had been immobilized. May the best man win. (The best man is Tedros, of course, but he didn't think Chaddick and Nicholas needed to know that.) Yes, he’s been separated from his partners, but that's a shortcoming that’ll be rectified as soon as Tedros gets out of this clearing.

He crouches into a bush to retie his lace-up boots when he feels an itch on his neck. Absently, he goes to scratch it, and snaps to attention immediately when his fingers graze not his own flesh but some sort of thick, sludgy substance. He looks down at his collarbone and, in his horror, sees an insect skittering down the length of it onto his right shoulder. It's big for a bug, but no longer or thicker than his thumb. The thing has a hundred different legs, although it's too round to be a centipede, and it has layers of skin that almost look like armor coating it's torso. It's the color of pale skin, but a greenish liquid is pouring out of its side; it must be bleeding from where Tedros dug his nails into it. 

Tedros recoils and gags. He has no idea what type of insect this is (like he said, he isn't great with Science) or how it got on him, but he's never been more disgusted in his life. He tries to flick the thing away, swatting at it was his sleeve pulled over his hand, but to no avail—the thing won't budge. He swears he sees it blinking up at him, like it's taunting him. He scowls. 

Although it is admittedly very difficult to forget about the disgusting creature latched onto his clothing, Tedros is actually able to do just that when he hears the sound of crunching leaves. He peeks over the bush just in time to see an unfamiliar Neverboy with oily brown skin and dreadlocks surveying the area, his back turned to Tedros. This is most likely the guy who was shooting arrows at him earlier. 

Choosing to sneak attack the Neverboy in favor of dealing with the pesky critter, Tedros leaps out of the bush and tackles the other boy. Or he tries to, at least. The Never sidesteps right before Tedros crashes into him. How could he have known Tedros was coming? It couldn't have been the war cry the prince let out as he jumped that signaled him. 

The long-haired-boy is quick on his feet and pins Tedros’s cape to the ground using his hulking battle axe. Tedros lunges upwards, but the Neverboy slams him back down with his free hand. 

As opposed to going for his flag, the boy searches Tedros's face. Or, not his face, exactly, but the area right beneath it. The location of the insect. 

“Oh, gross,” the Neverboy says in a deep, gravelly voice. “That's seriously the best you could come up with? An isopod?”

Tedros blinks up at him. “What—”

Suddenly, there's a shine of bright blue light that knocks the wind out of them both. When Tedros comes to, he's sitting on the roots of a giant Stinkwood Tree. It seems to have come out of nowhere, it's branches extending high into the dark sky, and doesn't match the species of any of the nearby trees. 

Befuddled, Tedros turns to the Neverboy, assuming this is his doing, but the boy is just as perplexed as him. He scratches at his wild mane of hair, gazing up at the tree, and says, “Jesus, no need to get so passive-aggressive,” in a mildly offended tone. 

He then meets eyes with Tedros and shrugs. “Ah, well,” he says before diving at Tedros axe-first.

Tedros screeches, and everything that follows happens in no time at all. 

Just as the axe grazes Tedros’s chest, that same blue light shines again as he feels the roots between him shifting. They become thicker, less sturdy, and softer. This confuses both boys greatly, enough to stop the Neverboy in his tracks. Tedros glances at his legs, then over his shoulder. 

He gapes. 

Just in case he's seeing things, he reaches out to touch Brone's face. As one might have it, Tedros is sitting in the lap of Brone of Roch Briar. 

“What the fuck,” Tedros says. 

The isopod—the tree—the bright blue light— oh, shit, that was a finger glow, wasn't it? Brone's been right by his side this entire time, mogrifing to stay hidden. Had he latched onto Tedros when he entered the Trial? But Brone had the lowest ranks of both schools combined, and Tedros knew for a fact he hadn't made the Never’s Trial Team. Had he sneaked in? Is that why the Neverboy had acted like he was talking to the insect? Was Brone in cahoots with Tedros's assailant? That shouldn't have been surprising, considering they were both Nevers, but the thought still disheartened Tedros for some reason he couldn't comprehend. And cheating in something as crucial as the Trial by Tale is unbecoming of even the worst Never. 

Tedros's degrading thoughts are put on hold when Brone grabs him by the hips and tosses him effortlessly across the clearing. Tedros tumbles into the bush that was his previous hiding spot, breaking both legs in the process. He bites his lip to keep from crying out, pulling himself onto his knees in order to peer between leaves in the bush. He watches Brone and the oily boy brawl ferociously, kicking and punching and spitting while the boy that is not Brone shouts about betrayal and _Ever-loving scum._

This time, Tedros isn't able to hold back a scream when the other boy slices at Brone's knee with the axe, causing him to crumple to the ground. The boy holds the axe above Brone’s head, aiming to kill, but in a motion quicker than light, Brone trips him. Shakily, Brone pulls his large frame up, up, then pummels down.

He sits on the Neverboy, who squawks in pain. Brone simply reaches down to snatch his flag and let it fall to the ground. 

The Neverboy disappears, leaving Tedros and Brone alone in the clearing. 

Mustering all his strength, Tedros crawls out of the bush using just his arms, digging his elbows into the dirt. He pushes himself toward Brone, who is weak and bloody. Because of _Tedros_. Brone risked his life, his pride, his everything—all for him. And he thinks he knows why. 

Tedros pulls himself up to Brone, taking his soft, doughy face in his hands. Brone’s forced to look at him, an unfathomable expression in his eyes. The two stare deeply at each other, inches apart, beaten and gasping for breath in the middle of the Forest. 

“You saved me,” Tedros breathes. 

Brone opens his mouth to speak, but only manages to get out a few strangled coughs. Tedros rubs his back lightly. 

Brone says in a raspy voice, “Well, I had to. Ravan was being a bitch about my choice of Mogrif and I do _not_ take shit from that overblown piece of trash. s’not like we can all be the son of an ancient deity. I—” The coughing starts up again. Tedros leans in.

“Why'd you do it? Why would you protect me from another Never?” Tedros gasps. 

Brone rolls his eyes. “Duh, I literally just told you—”

“Top of the mornin’ to ya, motherfuckers!” a shrill tone screams out of nowhere, starling them both. “Oh, wait, am I interrupting something?” 

Tedros turns to see none other than Sophie watching them from further down the road. She must have trampled in while he was talking to Brone. 

Still shocked from the audacity of this whole situation, Tedros doesn't have time to react before she dives forward and snatches his flag out of his boot.

“ _Wait—_!” he shouts, tightening his arm around Brone. 

But it's too late. She's gone.

* * *

He isn't given a moment to so much as glance in Brone's way before the fairies and wolves are pulling them apart, spiriting them away to their respective schools. 

An hour later, lying in the dark of Good’s infirmity and surrounded by his snoozing classmates, Tedros stares at the ceiling and ponders how something so wrong can feel so _right_.

It goes against years of tradition. It goes against everything Tedros has been raised to believe in. But he knows what he needs to do.

Come the Circus of Talents, the Woods is about to face something quite different at the hands of the prince of Camelot. They're going to face the force of True Love.

* * *

On a surface level, peers shrug off his early elimination in the Trial as a simple mistake. He’d been abandoned by his two Everboy sidekicks and ganged up on by some of Evil’s top villains—no one could be expected to prevail like that, not even Tedros of Camelot. Besides, you should see the other guy.

But despite the only people who know the truth of what happened inside the Blue Forest being locked away in the other school, Tedros can still feel the disappointment—or, at the very least, confusion—of the students around him. The boys won't meet his eyes. The teachers are doubling down, unapologetically giving him extra assignments. Even Beatrix has moved her attention from Tedros to Chaddick.

But it doesn't matter. The Circus night is upon them, and he can't be bothered by those around him. They just don't _understand._ They haven't seen what he's seen, felt what he's felt. They haven't—and might never know—what it's like to be in _love._

But he knows. And tonight, he's not afraid to show them that.

Still, he's sweating in the pews when the time comes, shoved between Chaddick and some ginger-haired princess who pays him little mind except to compliment his bow tie. The comment does nothing to soothe his nerves, but he appreciates the thought.

He tries to peer over to the Nevers’ side of the Theater, but Chaddick rebukes all of his attempts, and eventually he gives up. _It doesn't matter_ , Tedros tells himself, _He’ll be here when it's time._

The wolves call students up one by one, starting with the lowest-ranked Trial Team members and crawling closer to Tedros. When Chaddick takes the stage against Ravan, Tedros clenches his fist and slumps into his seat. 

_You can do this,_ he says as Chaddick wins and Ravan is penalized with an ugly pig nose. 

_You can do this,_ he tells himself as Beatrix sings a ballad about her love of vegan options in meal plans. 

_You can do this,_ he promises himself as Sophie displays an act of dark magic, all whilst glaring holes into him. 

_You can so,_ so _do this,_ he says as he steps onto stage. 

Hundreds of eyes stare up at him. They don't know what to make of him—will he regain his pride, beat Sophie in an act so clearly, wholly Good? Or will he crumble beneath the pressure just like he did in the Trial?

 _Fuck, Tedros_ thinks as something very important occurs to him. _Why didn't I rehearse this?_

He coughs, and swears he can hear Sophie cackle evilly from the audience.

“Yeah, so… hi. I’m Tedros,” says Tedros.

“ _We know, dipshit,_ ” mumbles Hort in the crowd.

“Hah. Funny one.” More silence. Tedros breathes in deeply. It's now or never. “Could Brone of Roch Briar please come to the stage?” 

At first no one moves, not knowing what to make of his request. Then, in slow, subdued movements, Brone emerges from the pews and waddles up the stairs to join Tedros on the stage. He's munching on yet another roach and looks luminous in the moody lights of the Theater.

Tedros flushes, thinking of the last time he saw Brone eating a roach. 

Then he straightens, hardens, and looks Brone dead in the eye. He drops to one knee. Some gasps arise from the crowd. 

“Brone,” Tedros’s voice booms throughout the room with a newfound confidence, “will you be my date for the Snow Ball?”

All hell breaks loose. Students on both sides of the arena scream, cry, shout in protest, wonder if this is a prank, threaten homicide and suicide and to form a coup on Camelot’s government, but amidst all the chaos, Tedros is still able to keep his eyes on the love of his life. 

And against all better judgment, Brone gives him a light shrug. “Sure,” he says. 

Tedros doesn't hesitate to leap into his arms.

* * *

No one’s happy the night of the Snow Ball, not that Tedros knows why. It's not as if their lives revolve around the choices Tedros makes or something. Seriously. Get a hobby, dudes. 

It's funny, actually—the teachers try to lock him in his own dorm room, Dean Dovey simpering about him being an icon in the Woods. It didn't make any sense to Tedros—how could being with the sexy, sexy beast that is Brone, his One True Love, make him any less of an inspiration to young princes everywhere? So he jumped out of his window and landed on a second-floor balcony. He might've twisted his ankle in the process, but hey, sacrifices. 

Truth be told, everyone seemed shocked when he sauntered into the Snow Ball at exactly midnight, glancing nervously behind him as though they expected a certain plump Neverboy to be in tow. He simply laughed at their goggling faces, making way toward the largest window at the far West of the room. 

When they realized he didn't mean them any harm, the students mostly went back to their typical Snow Ball rituals with their partners. Meanwhile, Tedros scanned the windowsill for his own partner. Sure enough, he found an ugly, pale isopod dangling off the very end of the sill. He wrinkled his nose and mumbled, “I thought I told you to come as something more… Ever-y.”

A blue light shines from one of the legs of the insect, and it morphs into Brone's gorgeous frame, decked out in a handsome suit and tie. He’d somehow mastered the art of mogrifing back into clothing, thank the maker, or this story would've just gotten 1000000% more awkward.

“I don't know why you wanted me to wear this gay-ass thing,” Brone grumbles, picking at his collar. 

“Shh,” Tedros says with a magical sparkle in his eyes. He takes Brone by the hands and spins them into the center of the dance floor. Couples stare, Evers pull faces and recoil, but he pays them no mind, swaying in the arms of his lover. There's something so hauntingly romantic in the way Brone looks bored out of his mind. 

As the slow song comes to an end, Tedros leans forward, having to stand on the tips of his toes to reach Brone's height. His eyes flutter shut, and…

And then something digs into him from behind. 

He whines in pain and goes tumbling down. Brone his only seconds after him, and Tedros lets out a terrified gasp when he sees the bullet holes in Brone's chest. He puts a hand on Brone's voluptuous arm, then whips around to see Ravan holding an AK-47, alongside numerous other enraged Nevers, Sophie amongst their ranks.

“This is a raid!” Sophie shouts as the music comes to a roaring halt. “You dumbass Ever bitches have the right to remain silent! That, or give all your Earthly possessions to me and my homie Ravan here. One or the other. Whatever you choose. I don't really give a fuck.”

As Nevers storm the premises and Evers run for their lives, Tedros turns back toward Brone. In the distance, he can see Hort headbanging over the D.J. setup/record player as some edgy shit starts blaring over the speakers or smth, idk guys, I might be shitty at setting boundaries in worldbuilding but Soman is worse. 

Tedros lets out a strangled groan and blood seeps out of his mouth. He holds onto Brone with all his remaining strength.

“Babe,” he gasps, “I think I'm dying.”

“Oh.” Brone gives him a marginally alarmed look. “That sucks major balls, dude.”

“Before I die, I want you to know…” Tedros pulls himself upwards, and the action very nearly kills him. He presses his lips to Brone’s cool, chapped lips and mutters, “I love you.”

When he pulls back, he's so caught up in watching Brone that he doesn't realize that the pain’s vanished. A few seconds pass, and Tedros doesn't die. 

_Aw, sick!_ he says internally. _True Love’s Kiss!_

Brone blinks at him very slowly. Even slower, he mumbles, “No homo, though, right?”

A bomb detonates behind Tedros. He grins.

So this is love, huh? He could get used to it.

**Author's Note:**

> so basically agatha didn't get a date and sophie said ain't no friend of mine getting flunked out on my watch, so she and ravan, her new ally after being betrayed by brone, who was supposed to sneak into the trial to help the nevers win, storm the snow ball and make it their own no ball without the weird friendship/romance dynamics from book 1.
> 
> i have nothing to say except if you got this far, i love you and respect your determination, and you should check out my other fics because they're better than this xx  
> 


End file.
